HOMILY FOR 19TH FRIDAY IN ORDINARY TIME — YEAR B

HOMILY FOR 19TH FRIDAY IN ORDINARY TIME — YEAR B

HOMILY THEME: MARRIAGE TODAY

BY: Fr. Karabari Paul

Ezekiel 16:1-15,60,63, Psalm Isaiah 12, Matthew 19:3-12

‘What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder’

If you are over sixty particularly here in Nigeria, chances are you grew up in an era where you did not know too many divorced couples, and the subject was a taboo. Now your children are growing up in a world where marriages fail every day, even on the night of their wedding. In the past, it was even possible to bring together a man and a lady who hadn’t seen each other before to become husband and wife. And they lived together happily. Today, after dating for so many years before marriage, they still get separated. In the Gospel (Matthew 19:3-12), the Pharisees brought the subject of divorce before Jesus. If you do not want yours to be one of them:

Learn to show your love. Psychologist William James says, ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.’ And if we do not feel appreciated at home, there is a good chance we will not feel appreciated at all, because generally speaking, the world does not fulfil that desire. The best thing you can do for your spouse and your children is appreciate them and love them – not based on their performance, but simply because they are yours.

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Pay attention: Theodore Hesburgh said, ‘The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.’ And that works both ways. A successful marriage is one that can go from crisis to crisis and keep getting stronger. Commitment, not emotion, is what carries you through. If you only intend to stay married as long as you feel like you are in love, you might as well quit now. Like anything worthwhile, a good marriage requires constant attention.

Protect your time together: If you feel like you ought to be at work when you are with your family and vice versa, something is wrong. Do not be too busy that you do not have time to love your family. If you prioritise and protect those times, your marriage will thrive.

Share values: The basis for a good marriage is not just sharing the same bed every night but the same values and goals every day. Without those, it would be like talking to each other in a foreign language. Now, you won’t always agree, and you must accept that. But if you want to reach the same destination you have got to follow the same road map. Like building a house, you need to work from an agreed-upon set of blueprints. After a while, you discover that physical intimacy alone is not enough. That might get you through the night, but it takes genuine friendship and shared faith in God to get you through the years. We are talking about husbands and wives who communicate without saying a word because the same purposes and principles govern their lives.

Be prayerful: You must always pray together. When problems arise, as they invariably do, you must seek solutions from the same source – God. One author puts it like this: ‘When we know we are loved because of who we are, we become healthier in mind and more intimate in expression. We are freed from the fear of rejection and loosed from the anxiety of having to perform.’

Show radical commitment: We live in a time of commitment-phobia. We want to get as much as we can while giving back as little as possible. We want to be there for others in good times but not bad ones. Our lack of commitment is reflected in the statistics. The marriage the divorce rate is up. Marriage must be seen as a personal project that should succeed. God does not see it as a 50/50 arrangement, but one where both sides give 100 per cent. It is a sacred covenant made before God between a man and woman, ‘for better or worse; for richer or poorer; in sickness and in health; until parted by death’. It works best when both partners have learned to accept this fact and avoid false or unrealistic expectations. That is radical commitment, and it is the way to a great marriage. GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE. May God have mercy on us, heal our world, bless and protect us all through Christ, our Lord Amen.

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