HOMILY FOR MARRIAGE CEREMONY

Homily for Marriage Ceremony

Theme: Dealing with marital heartbreaks!

By: Oselumhense Anetor

I have come to realise that there are a good number of people that get totally abandoned when they get married.

I write so much about relationships. But I mostly focus on singles. Occasionally, my target audience could be young couples. But like I said, only OCCASIONALLY!

I have also come to discover that there is a certain subtle presumption (and this happens in the Church as well) that married people are doing just fine. Even the larger society presumes this. Once you’re married, it’s “see you later”, and “to your tent O Israel”. Your problems become very domestic. You can’t even talk to your pastor, for fear that “the spouse” would get annoyed. This is worse if domestic violence is present in the marriage.

Is it possible for married people to be heartbroken? Absolutely! You think heartbreaks are exclusive to singles? Experience has taught us otherwise. In fact, where marital heartbreaks are concerned, “singles’ heartbreak” is a learner.

Yes o! Marital heartbreaks are usually to a greater degree, with far more lasting implications.

If a guy dumps a lady after years of being in a steady relationship for instance, the lady gets heartbroken. But then she could decide to use her tongue to count her teeth, weigh the options, pick the broken pieces of her heart and move on (I’m not implying that it’s easy to get through any heartbreak).

The same happens if a guy is involved. It might even be easier for the guy to move on (because most guys love with their heads anyway, not their hearts).

However, if a lady has a womaniser, a wife beater, and/or a drunk for a husband, how does she deal with it? She will definitely get heartbroken too many times. She will cry in silence too many times. And she could even doubt her faith in God sometimes.

On the other hand, a man could be married to a very loose woman, with a viperous tongue and questionable character. Similar issues would arise. The man, because he wouldn’t want to be seen as weak, or not able to control his family, might decide to bottle the whole thing up and could end up dying before his time. You think cardiac arrests and strokes come from space?

Marital heartbreaks are more difficult to get over, if ever. That’s why in spite of the social stigma, and the religious implications, some couples still opt for divorce.

It’s even more complicated where there are kids. How do you make junior understand that daddy is never home because he gets drunk every night and sleeps in the houses of other women?

How do you keep explaining the black eye and the bruises and scars to colleagues at work? You can’t keep falling down the stairs daily, are you an infant?

How do you explain constantly having to eat junk food because your wife never cooks and the maid’s food tastes like sawdust?

How do you deal with God and your conscience now that you’re always having to resort to pornography, masturbation and sexting because your wife is never in the mood?

Going about complaining to every Dick and Harry isn’t a good solution. Seeking therapy may be better.

But some husbands would never agree to therapy. So talking to trusted friends of your spouse could help; especially his/her family members.

Then you could seek spiritual guidance. Go to your priest or pastor and tell them the situation. You don’t have to bear the pain alone.

As Don Williams once sang, “some broken hearts never mend. Some memories never heal, some things will never die, my love for you will never die…” If the union was based on love, you can be sure that no matter the number of heartbreaks, pains and disappointments, the marriage will forge ahead.

Finally, divorce isn’t the answer either, because divorce does not exist in the Church (but you could get your marriage annulled if your spouse wasn’t capable of marriage at the time consent was exchanged; see cc.1083-1107).

Though Pope John Paul II warns that separation should never be a remedy for the sometimes very difficult situations in marriages, he goes on to add that separation could come in only after all attempts at reconciliation have failed.

Furthermore, the code of canon law adds that in cases of adultery, the innocent party is to forgive the erring spouse in Christian charity. However, this does not take away the right of the innocent party to sever the common conjugal right (see cc.1152 § 1 & 1153 § 1).

God bless our marital unions, Amen.

HOMILY FOR MARRIAGE CEREMONY

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